Telling on Yourself
“Tattletale, tattletale, hang your britches on a nail,” we chanted at whoever ran and told on us. No one liked being ratted out, whether it was for throwing rocks or stealing M&Ms. It took guts to go to the authorities (usually Mom) because the backlash from the rest of us would be painful. We were supposed to stick together . . . it was the unwritten rule of the kingdom of kids.
Telling on your sister? Easy.
Telling on your friend? A little harder.
Telling on yourself? Never.
Why would you? Create certain doom? Immediate punishment, not to mention self-inflicted shame?
Five things about telling on yourself . . .
- Telling on yourself takes guts. Lots of guts. Few can muster the courage to confess anything until they’re about to get caught.
- Telling on yourself takes faith in whomever you’re confessing to. If it’s a person, you have to believe they’ll have some degree of compassion or at least be fair and just in dealing with you. If it’s the police or a government agency, you tell on yourself, trusting the authorities to be legitimate and mete out justice.
- Telling on yourself requires transparency and vulnerability. No one enjoys humbling themselves and confessing anything. We have to take off our masks and let people in on our stuff. Ugh! We risk someone we care about not loving us once they see the real us.
- Telling on yourself clears your conscience and is a step toward healing. Confession is a huge thing in Scripture and in the church. We’re instructed to confess our sins to God (1 John 1:9) and to one another (James 5:16). When we lay down our burden, our load gets lighter. Once it’s confessed, it’s off our chest. The consequences are in God’s hands, and that’s scary. But God is good, and He’s not going to leave you regardless of the coming consequences.
- Telling on yourself attracts resources, which may mean you get help. Confession is an act of humility, and humility attracts people to you. Humility is attractive to God too. James 4:6 says, “God opposes the proud” but “gives grace to the humble.”
By far, the best time to tell on yourself is before you do something you’re going to regret. Confessing what you’re thinking about gives your trusted friend a chance to protect you. The sooner you let your friend in on what you’re thinking, the better chance he has. Someone who knows and loves you can talk you off the ledge and help you gain perspective when you’re so far down in the weeds you can’t see the bulldozer you’re crawling in front of.
We get paralyzed by the thought of telling on ourselves because we think it’s a sign of weakness. But in fact, true strength is demonstrated in vulnerability. It’s a proven fact that companies and brands who mess up bounce back quicker when they confess, take responsibility, and move aggressively to make things right. The same is true of people.
Question: Is there something you need to confess? Is there a trusted friend or mentor who might be able to protect you from you if you tell on yourself right now?
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