Submission to Oneness (Part II)
“Marital bliss”, if there is such a thing, happens when we experience ‘oneness’ with our mates. That ‘oneness’ is elusive . . . it usually lasts a few seconds. We want it to last hours, days, weeks, months and years.
Let’s shoot for hours as a starter.
Here’s three simple things to preserve oneness with your wife . . .
1. “Hold it” – Don’t say it. When ‘that thought’ comes into your head, keep it there. You think what you’re about to say is going to be funny. It won’t be. There are no jokes when there’s a real person at the butt-end of it. Or you think “I have a right to defend myself” or “She needs to know how I feel.” Do you think she doesn’t already know? A verbal defense will feel like an assault to her. Will that lead to ‘oneness’? For the sake of oneness, keep your mouth shut. Maturity is not saying everything you think. Pass up the opportunity to say something negative. Hold it.
2. “Drop it” – Something you’ve seen or thought a hundred times . . . it keeps coming back when she says or does ‘that thing’ that sets you off. Don’t do it this time. Make a decision to let it go. Drop it. Ignore more. Move back to positive . . . for the sake of oneness. You weren’t going to win the point or change her mind anyway. Decide it doesn’t matter enough to screw up your relationship – and drop it.
3. “Give it” – One choice that’s always open is to give. We can ‘give a point’. We can give the ‘benefit of the doubt’. We can give ‘forgiveness’, even when it’s not deserved and we don’t feel like it. We can always reach back and find something to give. Compassion, forgiveness, empathy, time, a hug, a hand-squeeze, or a one-sentence handwritten note that reassures. Giving emphasizes her and de-emphasizes me. When your emotions start to rise and ‘oneness’ is about to be blown up, think “What can I give her right now?” And then give it.
In his book Sit – Walk – Stand, Chinese Bible teacher Watchman Nee says our response to everything must be through the cross. ‘Good’ or ‘bad’, ‘right or wrong’ isn’t the deal. When we ‘sit’ long enough to consider what Jesus did and let gratitude fill us, we’ll ‘walk’ different. Respond different. Just as He responds to us, we do the same. Think about that one for a while. No matter what she does, our response is “What can I give?”
As I write these words, I think “Why don’t I do this?” “What keeps me from holding it, dropping it and giving instead of judging?”
The answer is pride . . . and selfishness. I don’t want to be wrong or falsely ‘accused’. I want to be right (or at least not be wrong). And I don’t want to be inconvenienced. Pride and selfishness – plain and simple (and sinful).
Paul got at the heart of it when he challenged us in Philippians 2:3 . . .
Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.
If there’s one person to put ahead of yourself, it’s the woman who gave herself to you. Who decided to spend her one-and-only life ‘chained’ to you.
Put these three ideas into practice and see what happens to “oneness”.
Question: Will you hold it, drop it and give it? Will you sacrifice your pride and selfishness for a marriage of intimacy and oneness? Tell us here
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Responses (1)
Thanks for this great message Regi. I just got back from a marriage weekend with my wife of 27 years, run by our church. Your ‘Hold it, drop it give it’ is on the money! God bless you and keep up your ministry.
Kind regards
Stan
To Him be the Glory!!!